i thought that you loved me,

i thought that u cared,

but if u really did,

i guess u would be here,

 

u are growing so distant,

that u haven't even called,

now i sit here asking,

why for u did i fall,

 

when i was at work on tuesday night,

and u told me u wouldn't be on that flight,

one of the guys said to me,

what is he crazy,

 

if your girl wants u to come home,

there must be something there,

and if it were him he would walk for miles,

just to see me again,

 

i thought that u loved me,

but u never caught that plane,

now i am wondering,

do u really love me at all

my broken heart was mended,

when u walked into my life,

you said that you loved me,

was it all just a lie.

 

you have hurt me today,

u said you would never,

what happened to the always,

and what happened to forever,

 

i am sitting here crying my silent tears,

looking out the windows,

getting taken over with fear,

why because your not here,

 

i had something special planned,

for just you and me,

but now u will never know,

caus your not here to see,

 

as i get ready for bed,

my heart feels empty,

it needs repairs,

i really thought u were the one,

but maybe just maybe i got it wrong!!!!!

you left us 6 years ago,

on this very day,

i still wish u didn't have to go,

why did god take my nan away,

 

since u died our family has fallen apart,

more and more each day,

but nan i still love u,

in the very same way,

 

i still do use some sayings,

that u used to say,

sometimes when i'm feeling low,

they get me through the day,

 

i know that u watch down on me,

and that your watching liddy grow,

you would really love her,

the precious little girl,

 

i hope to see u in heaven,

and make up for lost time,

caus everyday i think of you,

remember nan i will always love u!!!!

i thought i had found some one special,

some one to share my life,

but then he just walked away,

it really broke my heart,

 

it took some time but i moved on,

living the single parents life,

living in the world of dread,

not even wanting to get out of bed,

 

now i have moved on again,

tell me when will this cycle plz just end,

i really hope this is the one,

and the race i have won,

 

the race to find my true love,

so that i can float with the clouds above,

i just hope this doesn't end,

and i end up loosing again

 

 

i thought u were something special,

thought u were one of a kind,

but now i am giving up on you,

caus i know that your hearts not mine,

 

i can't put my finger on it,

there was just something about you,

i thought we could have something special,

but you couldn't be bothered to try,

 

so i'm not gonna waste my time,

sitting and waiting around for you,

i am only young and want to live my life,

that is why i'm not wasting more time on u,

 

your the one that loosing out,

caus now u will never know,

weather we could have worked or not,

caus you've lost me and its your fault,

 

you are an amazing artist,

and your music is another talent,

why are you wasting your special gifts,

and loosing loved ones with these silly rifts,

 

i still want us to be friends,

but u need to lift your act,

i know u feel life has thrown u dead ends,

but u would realise it hasn't if u would just wake up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

as a sit and watch my daughter sleep,

from my eyes the tears do weep,

for once they are tears of joy,

how did i create something so wonderful,

 

the tears and pain are all worth while,

i know that everytime i see her smile,

and when ever she does something new,

she makes me so proud she is so buetiful,

 

with eyes so big and bright and blue,

and a cheeky grin right before she spews,

i wouldn't change her for anything,

she is just perfect the way she is,

 

she loves her baths and stretching her legs,

then she always cries as i get her dressed,

she gets so excited now and squeals,

no one knows how happy she makes me feel

 

 

 

 

 

 

as it rains outside,

it rains in my heart,

im hurting so much,

where do i start,

 

is it to much to be loved,

for someone to hold my hand,

and when the world gets 2 much,

to hold me as i cry,

 

i walk in the rain,

no one can see the tears,

and when i scream at night,

they can't hear my fears,

 

the night mares are getting to much,

how i long just to be touched,

not in a sexual nature,

but in a way so deeper,

 

as i walk along this lonely road,

i don't even realise its so cold,

the rain is pelting in my back,

i just keep walking to see the fact,

 

which is as i live this life alone,

my heart is turning to nothing but stone,

i know i have so much love to give,

to feel whole again is my 1 true wish

 

 

 

i'm gonna try something new here, i'm just gonna write words for anything that pops into my head,

 

 

child stiring, swing swinging, breeze in my hair, music playing, lost, confused, lots to do, food cooking, smells so good, food is evil, makes me spew, feel alone, have lots to say, tears running, not again, horses neighing in the distance, want to ride them, daughter crying, time to go, time to move on, this is a hole, must have been a pain, she is back asleep, bottles sterilizing, clothes washing, have started packing, precious child, how did i create something so buetiful, birds flying in the sky, what it must be like to be free, want to scream make pain go away, want someone to hear me, scared, alone, do i want a smoke, yes i do, wheres my lighter, don't have a clue, i need to use my brain, letters and numbers, want to keep studying, can't afford, have so many secrets, mums the word, time to go bottles to make, gonna take a walk and clear my head, need a horse to ride caus that works best, still scared and all alone

 

 

 

gee in one minute there sure are alot of emotions and thoughts

lydia you are a buetiful baby,

even though sometimes u drive me crazy,

i love u with every beat of my heart,

i always have right from the start,

 

i look in your eyes so bright and blue,

lifes not as i planned but i do love you,

lydia you have a buetiful smile,

i will never leave you my precious child,

 

i don't know why your daddy doesn't call,

or come and see you try to crawl,

but u don't need someone like that,

because u have me and thats a fact,

 

laying in my arms u look up,

that look in your eyes just makes me melt,

lydia i love you more than anything,

i'm here for u always if u need anything

 

 

 

i can't describe what i'm thinking,

i feel as though i'm sinking,

falling down and down but not hitting the ground,

i try to scream out but i can't make a sound,

 

i wake to a unrealistic world,

each day goes by without meaning,

why is it down my cheeks,

these tears are always streaming,

 

i try to get up but then i start falling,

why can no one hear me calling,

i don't know where to go from here,

one more day alone is my greatest fear,

 

i have only been happy once,

i loved and lost did i loose my chance,

for my daughter i want a home,

i don't want her to ever be this alone,

 

i feel as though i have no where to go,

and no one i can truly turn to,

what have i done that is so wrong,

that no one wants to love me.

 

 

 

 

last night i slept in your arms,

i felt so safe and warm,

then today to walk in and see her,

is it caus u didn't score,

 

i'm feeling really used by you,

and thats not what i want,

i don't make it obvious to u,

but that is all just a front,

 

all the stuff u say to me,

it feels like it's all lies,

and i really care for u,

the story of my life,

 

you say that u are scared,

caus you have loved and lost b4,

but what your doing just isn't fair,

i won't let u do this anymore,

 

i have loved and lost aswell,

its a part of everyones life,

but if on the past we dwell,

we will never have a life,

 

i don't know what your playing at,

but the games are gonna stop,

with her your hearts not true,

or u wouldn't have kissed me lastnight!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a thousand words couldn't decribe u,

a thousand years can't replace u,

you were really one of a kind,

your path to heaven i hope u find,

 

to my mum and aunty u were a great father,

and as a grandpa there was no better,

the great grandkids came along next,

grandpa you will be truly missed,

 

every sunday was a treat,

as a family we would all meet,

climbing the tree not wanting to come down,

up there we were always found,

 

christmas was always spent together,

with all the family and a traditional dinner,

always having pudding for desert,

you had a special coin that u had to find first,

 

school holidays were always fun,

we always kept u on the run,

staying there with nanna and you,

we had so much fun if only you knew,

 

i remember our trips to the beach,

swiming and climing to buckleys cave,

then to the shops for icecream or treat,

their the memorys i'll always save,

 

playing your tunes on your organ,

we would secretly listen for hours,

pretending to play a nintendo games,

those games will never be the same,

 

as we grew older alot did change,

but the days together remained the same,

though it was the great grand kids turn to play,

we still loved you in the same way

 

 

there is so much more that we could say,

but then we would standing here all day,

there is just one more thing to say

 

goodbye grandpa we will all miss u,

goodbye grandpa we will always love u!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so many emotions are running through my head,

this is why each day that comes eveyone i dread,

i am sick of going through each day and night alone,

i'm in a world i can't escape even though it is so wrong,

 

i sit here each and every night staring at the walls,

dreaming of nice places to be and pretty water falls,

but then i realise where i am and begin to cry,

i don't have the answers and am always wondering why,

 

i thought i was a stronger person and could work through anything,

but depression is taking over only sad songs do i sing,

have u ever sat down and listen to the words of a really sad song,

maybe i should write one i might be able to realise what i did so wrong,

 

they say calma always comes back on you twice as bad as what u did,

i don't know what i did so bad to end up all alone like i did,

i have a little daughter thats nearly three months old,

and i am not joking when i say she really is my world,

 

still i feel there is something missing from me deep within,

i want to hear happy songs and be happy so them i can sing,

i keep dreaming of nice things wishing they were real,

but then i awake and realise that for me nothing good is real,

 

i wish i had a wishing star upon it i would wish,

that for just one day my life as it is did not exist,

i want to go to the places that i have seen in my dreams,

instead of waking in the middle of the night by the sound of my own screams,

 

i am sick of fighting with myself just to get out of bed,

but each and everyday i wind up wishing i was dead,

i have tried everything to keep up positive thinking,

but i know deep inside everyday i am sinking,

 

i love my daughter more than anything she is the reason i go on,

but i can't let her know mummys life has gone so wrong,

noone knows the pain i feel deep down inside,

caus when i'm at my lowest i feel as if i need to hide,

 

i cant possibly cry anymore not a single tear,

i don't know what it is i'm scared of as i live my life in fear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

i wake up all alone,

all day long i am alone,

just me and my little girl,

to me she is the world,

 

i wish i had some company,

through these lonely times,

i have a few good friends,

but i can count them on one hand,

 

but there not here all the time,

and i cry myself to sleep,

i wonder what i did so wrong,

that i had to wind up all alone,

 

i used to have plans for my future,

but they have gone down hill,

my only hope is my daughter,

she gives me the strength to carry on,

 

everything i touch turns to dust,

which is why i don't let people close,

then the ones i love betray me,

which is why i have big issues with trust,

 

as i cry out no one hears,

and i look around it's caus no one's here,

some days i want to end it all,

instead of looking at empty walls,

 

as i look at my daughter,

it's a love you can't describe,

i can't wait till the day arrives,

that she says i love u mummy,

 

is it to much to want to be happy,

instead of all alone,

i don't want to go to sleep,

caus tomorrow i'll wake and still be alone

why do people say things,

that they know will really hurt,

don't they realise what it does,

when you already feel lower than dirt,

 

why do people say things,

that are hurtfull and untrue,

they make u feel what they say is true,

they try to bring u down with them,

 

why do people say things,

and drag u into their problems,

u get caught in the middle of it,

and it's always u that gets hurt,

 

why do people say things,

and yell and shout and scream,

they hurt u really deep,

but u can't ever let them win,

 

why do people say things,

and never let u have your say,

is it caus they are scared,

that u will bring them undone!

 

 

when were together,

we both know how to smile,

i want to be happy forever,

so i wish u were by my side,

 

u keep going back to her,

even though u are unhappy,

i am not the other woman,

because i am not that tacky,

 

when were together,

i forget all my problems,

and when i'm alone i'm scared,

why does noone seem to care,

 

fair enough i have a child,

i'm not looking for a father,

if your running because of that,

i guess i understand,

 

but we do have something there,

thats very hard to explain,

it like we just connect,

is it caus we feel the same,

 

i don't know what this is,

or where it could take us,

but i guess we will never know,

because u are still with her,

 

u tell me how unhappy u are,

which is just not fair,

i know that i make u smile,

when were together u grin from ear to ear,

 

i don't know if u think of me,

when u are not near,

but something that u said tonight,

had me grin from ear to ear,

 

u said my daughter looks like me,

when she is asleep,

i didn't think u noticed me,

let alone watched me sleep,

 

i know it's not easy, 

just to walk away,

but if u don't love her,

why is it that u stay,

 

u say that u love her,

but then u run her down,

then u go back to her,

and i always see u frown,

 

i guess what i'm trying to say,

is we need to have a talk,

so next time u see me,

why don't u suggest a walk.

 

 

 

 

looking at your daughter,

is like looking at your photo,

u hurt me when u said u'd never,

that kind of hurt lasts forever,

 

to me u were an angel,

that was to guide my way,

but it's your daughter who is the angel,

i thank god every day,

 

u have hurt me worse than anyone,

but i know that life goes on,

i don't love u anymore,

your lower than dirt on the floor,

 

i am ready to move on,

with u my heart does not belong,

but being hurt again is my greastest fear,

thats why i have been alone for nearly a year,

 

i just want someone special,

who is prepared to take on lydia,

i know u are her father,

but for u that is another failure,

 

i know that i'm not perfect,

i never said i was,

i just want u to know,

that this is only your loss,

 

i have the only good thing of u,

cradled in my arms,

if it was up to me,

u would be behind bars,

 

so i guess this is goodbye,

as for u i no longer cry,

i thought i would always love u,

but goodbye i don't even miss u

 

 

whats the use,

were gonna die anyway,

were like a burning fuse,

time ticking away,

 

if you don't make the most of it,

and u don't know what you've got,

your likely to loose it,

not knowing what you've lost,

 

your time on earth is presious,

just remember that,

before u try to end it,

think of what you've got

 

i feel like i'm on a roller coater,

that just will not stop,

my head feels like a twister,

that is out of control,

 

I wish i could have stopped it sooner,

to my daughter this is for u,

i wish your daddy was here for u 2,

maybe one day someone will,

 

i did love daddy very much,

more than anyone knows,

i love u so much 2,

it's because of u i continue on,

 

i am sorry that i cannot give you,

everything that u desreve,

but remeber i'm always here with u,

and that u are mummy's little girl,

 

i am sorry that your daddys not here,

i know it is partley my fault,

i just hope that u don't hate me,

just like everyone else that i  love,

 

life isn't always easy,

i'm sorry but that u will learn,

but remember i love u always,

and that u are mummys little girl.